What Perfection Cannot Guarantee

 

It would be so easy to think there is a way.

Somehow, with just the right words, tone and motive, love can be easily given and received. Feelings protected. Feathers not ruffled.

But that is not what we learn from Jesus, the epitome of “perfection”.

If EVER there was a person to pick THE perfect words, say them in THE perfect tone, bathed in THE purest motive, it was Jesus. Yet, even He was not immune from conflict.

What WOULD it take to keep the peace?

Maybe that’s not even the right question.

As I continue to read chronologically through the Bible, in John 15:18-25 I am forced to reconcile life as a “people-pleaser” and  recovering perfectionist, with life as a believer in Christ. This is one of many reasons I read the Word. When I read the truth taught by God’s Word, alongside the living example of Jesus, I learn not only what to realistically expect of myself, but what to expect from others.

If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you. Remember what I told you: ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also. If they obeyed my teaching, they will obey yours also. They will treat you this way because of my name, for they do not know the one who sent me. If I had not come and spoken to them, they would not be guilty of sin; but now they have no excuse for their sin. Whoever hates me hates my Father as well. If I had not done among them the works no one else did, they would not be guilty of sin. As it is, they have seen, and yet they have hated both me and my Father. But this is to fulfill what is written in their Law: ‘They hated me without reason.’

That last sentence is shocking to my people-pleasing nature. Surely, there is a way to love and live without offending?! Isn’t there??

But if He couldn’t do it, why do I think it IS possible? HOW could it be possible?

Reading this about Jesus, it makes me doubt the goal of tip-toeing will achieve what I intend.  Maybe even the “perfect” amount of effort won’t guarantee the result of not offending others. If Jesus says His burden is light and His yoke easy (Matthew 11:30), this does not reflect how exhausted I feel trying to please everyone, keeping their feathers smooth and unruffled. I tend to think if I just try hard enough, my goal could be achieved. This verse tells me that effort, in addition to wording, tone and motive, still may not prevent the offending of others.

There seems to be no way around it!

Perfection cannot guarantee peace in our relationships.

Who am I kidding? People are sinners. We are going to offend and be offended. Period.

It wasn’t any different for Jesus, and He WAS perfect.  He offended others (Matthew 15:1-12) yet He was sinless. So that tells me that even though people were “offended”, that does not necessarily mean there was anything wrongly done. We see in this passage that the simple truth Jesus was offering was what was offensive. Honesty and sincerity were not enough to keep the feathers from being ruffled.

I am wired to think that if feelings are hurt, then people have been “wronged”. So when I read about Jesus, in all His perfection still offending people, it counters my false perceptions. I am able to learn the truth that can set me free from my strongholds of perfectionism and people-pleasing, not to mention over-responsibility. I can get off the burdensome treadmill of feeling responsible for everyone’s peace, because I finally realize that there IS no way to ALWAYS keep the peace.

So what is my responsibility?? I have to have some goal to set! ? Lol

Another verse pops into my mind, Roman 12:28.

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

This tells me that I am not responsible for others, just myself. This also teaches me that there may be times where it is NOT possible to live at peace with everyone. From Jesus’ example, just because feathers get ruffled does not mean that a “wrong” was committed.

Being a people-pleaser can leave me feeling hostage to other people’s feelings. Having written the previous post on my blog about the prison of accusations, it describes how I am keenly aware of when I don’t meet expectations and the condemnation I rightly or wrongly feel. Yet, I don’t see Jesus getting caught up in this trap. He is the Author and Perfecter of my faith so I would do well to learn from Him.

Thankfully, He shows me that just because we don’t meet expectations doesn’t mean we have failed in some way. As much of a sinner as I am and consistently reminded of it by my own self-condemnation as a perfectionist, I learn that I can walk freely in peace no matter how feelings are provoked and feathers are ruffled, as long as I go to the Lord and submit all “offenses” to Him, seeking His perspective and conviction of personal wrongdoing. He alone is the rightful Judge.

Peace with others cannot become my idol, holding me hostage to a false sense of security and accommodation. Rather, loving with a balance of grace and truth, as seen in the life of Jesus, is how I can best navigate through life with others. 

I know I can’t measure up to the expectations of others nor the example of Christ. That is why I so desperately need the blood of Jesus to pay my debt before a Holy God and hurting people I may unintentionally offend. Knowing perfection isn’t the solution is freeing to say the least!!

Seeking not to offend cannot guarantee life without conflict or hurt feelings. But we can still strive  to love graciously and generously, because love covers over a multitude of offenses.

Maybe that is the better question to ponder, especially in this election year- “How can I love well even after being “hated”?”

Thankfully, we have Jesus to show us the “perfected” way……..