I am a peacemaker.
That can be a good and bad thing I figure.
I have lived long enough to know that under the control of the Holy Spirit, it is a blessed gift for my family and home life.
I have also come to realize that left to my flesh, it is more like a curse!
Have you had some of these moments?
As a 50-year-old, I have had my share of “ugh” moments.
These are moments where conflict erupts and tempers flare without much warning.
These are moments where conflict erupts, and tempers flare without much warning. Share on XUsually, I am not the person in distress. I am the person in the room near the person who is in distress (lucky me!) Or I could be the third party in a group text where fingers are firing faster than tempers. Mind you, there have been plenty of opportunities in past years where I was the one with my mouth popping off at someone dear to me.
But for the most part, I have become the peacemaker in my family of five. I am the person who feels compelled to “fix” the situations.
The person who tries to calm…..sometimes control others, so that the situation is resolved and no one has hurt feelings, that is me. I have been labeled, and rightly so, over-responsible. And this is not a good attribute as a peacemaker. This is where my flesh seeks to take control and I can do more harm than good.
What happens when these moments flare up?
When these moments flare up, my response is not one of condemnation, where my “ugh” is a vent of impatience and superiority. Rather, it is an inward cry of “Oh no! Now what ?!” It is a very helpless feeling actually, because as we have grown through the varying stages of a family, the conflicts have “grown” as well.
What I mean is, they have become more complicated than working out sharing issues among siblings or parenting frustrations over bedtime routines being followed. Add to this, the stress of failing in my ability to keep the peace at times, much less help restore peace, to a heated situation where words are slashing like swords.
In those moments, after frustration and failure on my part have left me feeling powerless to help, I have learned an all-important lesson as a peacemaker- I really can’t do a thing to help!
Failure and helplessness have a way of moving me forward in my faith. When I exhaust my abilities and wisdom, I am left to consider, “now what?”
What does the Bible teach about controlling our tongues?
The Bible teaches me in Matthew 5:9, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God”.
So I know this is a worthy effort to be pursued on my part but the “how” is the key. Then I began to see that, like everything else in faith, it is less about what I can do and more about what God can do.
So I began to respond to the “ugh” moments differently.
I began to inwardly turn to Jesus as soon as possible after the flare up begins. Sometimes, the conflicts are so fast and furious that I am still trying to respond to the first text fired personally at someone when my kids are already zinging each other with fourth and fifth texts! I just want to shout at my phone like they can hear me and say “stop it!!”
Resolution is not always immediate.
As typical of faith requiring us to turn to the Lord early and often, it is also about us exercising patience as we wait for His answer. But I have learned, the best weapon I have in my efforts of peacemaking is the Lord God Himself! It is similar to what I learned as a little sister.
The sooner one hollers for mom the better! Why wait ?! 1 Peter 5:7 reminds me to cast all my anxiety on Him because He cares for me. So the sooner I look to the Lord for His wisdom and help the better!!
So, what is so great about peacemaking?
What is glorious about this key to peacemaking is its simplicity!
What is glorious about this key to peacemaking is its simplicity! Share on XFortunately, I don’t have to figure out how to resolve each conflict. I don’t have to have the power to get those involved to do the right thing. Instead, I just bend my knee and let the wisdom and power of God move through His mighty Spirit in and through all of us involved!
And that is what I saw happen yet again recently- the Mighty, Loving Hand of our Chief Shepherd corral tongues and hearts, and an ego here and there, into submission for His glory.
I have seen hardened hearts soften under His ministry. Where I saw no way, He provided and inspired the way.
What is impossible with man, is possible with God (Matt. 19:26) and I cry “Glory! Glory to His Name for that!!”
Joanne Viola says
Gretchen, I can feel such angst when there is discord in a room. This was such a helpful post because I am the one who looks to avoid conflict or wants to bring resolution. Such a good reminder that it is up to me to bend my knee before God and ask Him for wisdom and direction in so doing and to let Him do the rest. Blessings!
Gretchen Fleming says
It really works wonders to start responding with that habit! Thanks for stopping by:)
Debbie Kitterman says
Grethen. First off, thank you so much for linking your post to my brand new linkup #TuneInThursday !! I am so excited to have you join me, and I hope you will do so again next week and each week after. Now, on to your post. Oh boy, I can so relate… I have peace maker tendencies too left to my own flesh – not good, under the direction of the Holy Spirit – balanced and oh so useful! Oh and at 47 I too have had my share of ugh moments as well. Thank you so much for such sage wisdom and a good perspective on being a peacemaker and the key to successfully navigating times of those ugh moments is bending our knee. Again thank you for joining me yesterday and I hope to see you again next week.
Gretchen Fleming says
Thank you Debbie and I was delighted to join you at your new linkup! I will be back and thanks so much for visiting 🙂
Melissa Wentzel Horan says
Thank you, Gretchen, for breaking down the “how” of this particular Beatitude. You are absolutely right that peacemaking works best when guided not by our human impulses but the guidance of the Spirit. My immediate reaction to conflict is to ignore it, rather than to heal it. This impulse can sometimes masquerade as peacemaking, since it involves no loud yelling or furious texting, but it also contradicts Jesus’ own example of peacemaking. I hope that in my future peacemaking endeavors, the Lord will, as you say, provide and inspire the way forward.
Gretchen Fleming says
Yes this beatitude can be tricky to say the least. Resolving conflict is never a fun process to go through but it sure is necessary and certainly reaps a great reward. I have learned from my many mistakes that’s for sure. Thanks for stopping by Melissa!
Crystal says
Great convicting and encouraging post Ginger! And just when we think we’ve made headway, we find there’s still more work to do…with that untameable tongue!
Gretchen Fleming says
Amen Crystal! Thanks for visiting:)
Ashley Rowland | HISsparrowBlog says
Gretchen, thank you for writing this. It was so spot-on for me tears came to my eyes (and I’m not a particularly emotional person). I especially liked this line – “The sooner one hollers for mom the better!.” What a beautiful way to think of us calling for our “Abba Father.”
Gretchen Fleming says
Ashely, I’m so glad you found it useful:) I have certainly learned the hard way on navigating such moments. Thanks for stopping by!
Julie says
Nodding my head in agreement Gretchen. I need to inward to Him faster instead of getting riled up.
Good thought provoking post!
#Faith’NFriends
Gretchen Fleming says
Thanks Julie and glad you stopped by! It is a hard habit to break, but worth our effort.
Cheryl says
Hi Gretchen thank you for your wise words today.they speak so much to my heart and the way I too try to bring peace to the situations I find myself in. You have brought light to my situation by sharing yours. The Holy Spirit needs no help from me except that I would pray and ask for His help. Bless you as you continue sharing.
Gretchen Fleming says
So glad you were served here today! Thanks for stopping by!