What I Could Not Envision
Sitting there with our youngest last night for his birthday dinner made me think back to 5 years earlier. We were not with him for his 18th birthday. He celebrated it in another state, apart from family and friends. It was 2013 and the hardest year we had ever had.
We were suffering immensely…… with fear, dread, heartache, but worse than anything- hopelessness.
10 Ways to Process Suffering With Hope
Our youngest had been in rebellion for 3 years and we feared for his life and future. We had taken the drastic measure of sending him out of state for his senior year to a Christian, military boarding school. It was the last straw we were desperately trying to avoid at all costs. It had left us broken as we parted from our precious opportunity to enjoy our youngest at home after his older brother and sister had moved out.
This was not what we expected our life to be as parents. No church sermon had prepared us for the twists and turns such as this. It was just beyond us to process how we could have ended up in this situation.
Compounding this trauma was another heartache with our oldest. He was going through terrible disappointment and challenges after he moved out to begin his career in another city. The struggles had mounted for years (too many to detail for this post) from his learning disabilities and we wondered how he would do on his own. Would he be able to succeed independently? Were the struggles of the last 18 years since his diagnosis behind us or were they just beginning?
In August of 2013, the days after we had been forced to enroll our youngest in military school, we learned that our oldest had lost the job he thought he had been succeeding in when his employer hired an older man with more experience. He called us devastated over the news. It was like the last 18 years had been leading up to this monumental fear coming true. He spent the next months looking for a job in his trade career with no success. Eventually, he moved back home, broken over all that had not worked out.
In both of these situations, we were at a complete loss. We had no more ideas. No more options. Nothing. In a word, hopeless.
We did not have the ability to perceive what could help or how God could work either circumstance for good. In our minds, the likelihood of solutions were zero. And yet, here we are just 5 short years later and the difference is nothing short of miraculous.
What I Learned From Our Hopelessness
As I look at what God brought about in each son’s circumstance, I could not have envisioned it. It was beyond me to comprehend how God could bring order out of chaos and purpose out of pain. In reality, He brought hope out of hopeless situations. It is exactly what I see happen to a beggar in Acts 3:1-12 NIV .
This crippled man from birth had been begging for years and years. He had no hope of life any different. All he could dream of was receiving enough handouts to continue existing pitifully. One coin at a time to make it through the day until he begged again for someone else to take pity upon him. As Peter and John approached, instead of giving him what he needed to continue life as he knew it, they gave him what he didn’t even have the hope to ask for- healing.
Our hope is not based on our reality but God's ability. Therefore the options are limitless. Share on XPraise God that our lives are not determined by our highest dreams! What we cannot fathom could happen, God gives it lavishly and then uses it to impact others. There was a great commotion from the crippled man being healed, which resulted in more than HIS life being changed that day. Five thousand people were radically saved as described in Acts 4:1-4 NIV.
Between my own desperate circumstances and this passage of Scripture, there are several lessons that have changed the way I process life now for myself and our family.
Hope means that ……….
- I don’t have to be able to find the solution to problems. God is able to determine what will help the most in dire circumstances. There is NO impossibility God cannot work out for His glory and my good.
- God wants more than a momentary solution or provision. His plan is for my transformation. He will grant what I don’t even have the imagination or hope to ask for because He is after my eternal well-being. Before He changes my circumstances, He will change me. This fortifies me for all my future challenges.
- What concerns me also concerns the Savior who died for me. He will not forsake me in my need. He is trustworthy and compassionate over that which troubles me. I am surrounded by His love and faithfulness.
- God has a glorious purpose for each of us that I could not imagine if I tried. I am too limited by my own deficiencies to fully grasp God’s potential plans but I can rest assured He is perfectly in control of them and fully able to implement them. Thankfully, He thinks outside the box, coming up with far greater ideas that I think plausible. I want what He wants for each of us, nothing more and nothing less.
- No suffering will triumph over me/us. Either God will get me through it or He will take me home. No matter how bad it may get, there are limits to what I will need to endure.
- I may not know what my future holds but I know who is there waiting for me with all the support I will need. I need not fear tomorrow.
- Those I hold dear are not my responsibility. They are God’s. If they are less than what they should be then that is His area to attend to and not mine. Just as my sanctification is His responsibility, so is theirs. He is their burden-bearer, not me. I am gladly not “in charge” of me or anyone else.
- God will root out what does not serve each of us well. No personal or generational pattern will be left untouched because He desires our freedom and holiness. His refining process continues all the days of our lives. I can trust His attention and persistence.
- Though prayer needs abound or linger, I can be sure that He is far busier with the “unseen” than what I can see Him doing. His unfailing love keeps Him attentive to each and every concern whether I am aware of it or not.
- This life is not what I/we are living for, it is eternity. Our best life will never be this side of heaven. Every single hardship will pale in comparison to what He has in store for us one day.
The Result?
I have seen how God brings hope out of “hopeless” situations. In a span of 5 years, God has done a work for each of my sons that is beyond what I had the mind to conceive. And this has changed how I process suffering forevermore.
However, as it is written:
“What no eye has seen,
what no ear has heard,
and what no human mind has conceived”—
the things God has prepared for those who love him— 1 Cor.2:9
So you see, whenever I feel fear or heartache, or if there is a sudden concern that rears its ugly head, I process those moments through the hope that permeates life in Christ. Just as the Bible affects how I process life, hope does so as well. God has fundamentally changed me and dare I say, it was worth every agonizing moment I experienced as a mother. The hope I live with each day still blesses me beyond measure and it can for you too. You can trust God’s heart and timing with you.
Hope says, “God’s got this AND God has me.” Let the peace flow!!
Phil Wickham’s beautiful song of Living Hope. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.
Laura Rath says
I love this Gretchen! Several times I’ve seen God work things out in ways I never dreamed, and remembering those times helps me get through new difficulties and reminds me that there is always hope.
Gretchen Fleming says
Amen Laura! I love hearing how He works in the lives of others and the lessons we can all share. Thanks for visiting with me today?☺️
Ruth says
Great article!
My favorite quotes are: “Our hope is not based on our reality but God’s ability. Therefore the options are limitless” and “What we cannot fathom could happen”.
Great list, too! My favorites are 7 and 8.
Thank you for sharing this comforting and encouraging lesson! 🙂
Gretchen Fleming says
My pleasure Ruth and thanks for stopping by today??
Kim Wilbanks says
This is so good. I especially like #7 in your list. The fact that my adult children aren’t living exactly as they were brought up is a source of worry. I have to remind myself to leave it with God and pray a lot.
Gretchen Fleming says
Exactly Kim. It isn’t our burden to bear if they are not living up to their faith or our expectation in some area. It is God to shepherd them with His unfailing love and wisdom. I trust His efforts are more of what they need than mine any day. Prayer and continuing to shine our light of faith is all we are responsible for at this point. I have learned not to judge God by what I cannot see Him doing at any given time.
Jana says
This is so powerful! Our last year felt like the one you describe (though our circumstances were different). I love how you summed up the lessons you learned – they’re life-altering. The encouragement you’ve shared here is such that I will be revisiting this post many times over. I love this!
gretchen fleming says
I’m so glad Jana that you found it useful! My heart grieves over your tough year but I know God is going to be so faithful through it even if we cannot see it yet. That is my biggest takeaway- we are surrounded by His love and faithfulness, even when it doesn’t seem or feel so. Praying for you right now friend!
Paulita says
Gretchen, my mother told me when I was expecting my first son, “Labor does not end at childbirth. We labor in prayer and tears over our children as they grow.” I am thankful for your answered prayers. Excellent blog. I have two sons that are not living for the Lord at present. I have to keep giving them up to Him daily.
gretchen fleming says
What wise words from your mom! I did not realize how true this was until I found myself in these circumstances. Even now as an empty nester, I am surprised at how much parenting is still going on but in a different way. I have learned to trust God with “time”, and not to judge His seemingly absent activity. He is mightily at work on behalf of your two sons Paulita and with perfect love, wisdom, and power. Praying for them right now as I roll that burden onto His shoulders to carry!
Debra Jean says
Beautiful story, I love hearing how God redeems the hard of this life. Thanks for sharing.
gretchen fleming says
Me too Debra and thanks for stopping by!
Alyson | Write Them On My Heart says
I love this … “His plan is for my transformation.” Thank you for this reminder!
Gretchen Fleming says
Gladly Alyson and thank you for visiting with me today!
Lois Flowers says
I can’t pick a favorite point from your list, Gretchen … they are all so good and relevant. I’m so glad that you are able to look back five years and see the faithfulness of God in such a powerful way. That is a huge encouragement to my heart today!
Gretchen Fleming says
Thank you Lois and I’m so glad you were encouraged! Looking back and remembering what God has already done for us sure encourages me for the challenges we face today. Thanks for visiting with me today!
sue says
I love this post and wish you lived closer. That’s all. (Oh, and it gives me hope!)
Gretchen Fleming says
You are the best! So grateful for you Sue!
Lisa Appelo says
Gretchen, God does so much us when we come to the absolute end of ourselves. I was nodding along to every single point. Wise words from my always wise friend.
Gretchen Fleming says
Thank you, Lisa! You know these truths well and use them to bless so many. Blessings friend!
Vickie Munton says
“Our hope is not based on our reality but God’s ability.” Love this! It is often hard to see, but oh so true! 1 Corinthians 2:9 is a go-to verse for me when I feel insecure, when I doubt, or when I just don’t understand what God is doing, but am reminded to trust His love and His hand on my life! <3
Gretchen Fleming says
You know the power of running to His Word when feeling weak or weary. Well done and thank you for sharing what He gives you to others.Blessings!
Kristi Woods says
#7, oh #7. It’s one I’ve recently come to grips with, although there are times when I definitely need a reminder. Terrific post, Gretchen. Thank you for being so transparent It helps us and give God beautiful glory.
Gretchen Fleming says
My pleasure Kristi and thank you for stopping by! Hope you have a fruitful week!
Timberley says
Love this posts. #10 represents my heart lately. As I wrote down one sentence mission statement…my.life is not my own. Pinned and tweeted to share with our Living Our Priorities community.
Gretchen Fleming says
Thank you Timberley! I appreciate your support! So true, our life is not our own. Helps me deal with my selfishness and put life in perspective.
Desiree says
Gretchen, thank you for sharing! God spoke to my heart in some very deep ways through this post. I am keeping this one near me.
Gretchen Fleming says
I am so grateful He is using it to meet your need friend! Thank you for stopping by!
Debbie Wilson says
Gretchen, wonderful words of hope! Thanks so much.
Gretchen Fleming says
Gladly Debbie and thank you for visiting with me!