One of my favorite blessings since moving to Jacksonville, Florida is the opportunity to get to know this gifted lady. We knew each other from online ministry but she took the gracious initiative of reaching out to me after our move. She is beautiful inside and out! She has become a dear friend to me and I thoroughly enjoy having another like-minded woman in my life here in our new city. I love our conversations and how we can relate to one another in life, faith, and ministry. You are going to love her post on a topic EVERY woman can relate with so please welcome my new friend Christy Mobley.
Put the ball in the court and let’s talk.
When the fuzzy yellow ball hit the ground, a spray of green clay splashed onto the pristine white line. Within a nanosecond, my friend from the other side of the tennis court held her pointer finger up in the air and shouted, “Out!”
Even though it was only a clinic drill, being the competitive person I am, I responded with, “Are you sure the ball didn’t clip the tape? Look at the clay.”
She answered with an emphatic, “I’m sure. Do you not believe me?”
“It’s not that,” I said. “The ball looked in to me.”
After a few exchanges, my friend conceded the point.
My thinking was, the whole thing was silly — it was a clinic drill for goodness sake, not even a real game. We both moved on and I didn’t think any more about it.
Later the same day I was in the grocery store when my phone alerted me to a message. It was from my tennis friend.
After listening to part of the recording I knew we needed to talk.
I had moved on from the earlier debate on the court but my friend had not. Something was eating away at her. She believed I thought she was lying about the ball she called out. Her message stated that we had been friends far too long time and she needed to clear this up.
She made the first move and the ball was now clearly in my court.
I called her back immediately.
My friend laid her heart bare and I was humbled. I have the utmost respect for her and would never want anything to come between us, certainly not something I hadn’t thought twice about since the morning. Understanding her side, I apologized and in a few minutes, we were on to laughing about something else.
I was glad she didn’t hold in her frustration but instead was brave enough to confront me with what troubled her.
Matthew 18:15 says, “If a fellow believer hurts you, go and tell him —work it out between the two of you. If he listens, you’ve made a friend … “ (The Message)
But what if she hadn’t been so brave or bold? What if she had kept her thoughts to herself?
Let’s think about what happens when we don’t reach out to those who offend us.
Confrontation can be uncomfortable. It’s much easier to think we can forgive and forget. In essence, we think we can simply move on.
But what if we don’t? And what if we can’t?
The best way to know if you can actually forgive and forget is to ask yourself two questions.
1. Do I feel any differently towards this person than I did before the presumed offense?
2. Do I keep thinking about what happened, playing it over and over in my head?
If you can say yes to either of those questions, you haven’t let it go.
When we dwell on our situations, we become bitter. #friendships #lovingwell #timetotalk
If my friend had stewed over the in or out ball for long she might have started reading more into the situation or reading between the lines. And if she were to think on it too long she also might read lines that weren’t there.
Consequently, in doing this, my friend would start acting differently towards me. But I would never know why. And I can’t fix what I don’t know is broken.
However, she didn’t do any of above.
Instead, she did the right thing.
She confronted me.
And we talked.
Relationships can be difficult at times because we’re all unique and react to things differently. God knows this and gives us solutions in His Word for our relationship troubles.
If you feel like there is a problem between you and a friend or acquaintance and you can’t let it go, I challenge you to pray about it and then go meet with the person who offended you.
(Don’t everyone contact me at once!)
We’re not going to make everyone happy but Romans 12:18 reminds us, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
Thank you so much, Christy, for showing us how to protect our friendship when there are hurt feelings! This post is a great example of teaching us how to resolve conflicts with others.
Christy is a gifted writer, speaker, and teacher of God’s Word. Be sure to check out her website ChristyMobley.com to sign up for her blog and to gain information for her speaking engagements. Follow her on social media for regular encouragement for your faith. You will be glad you did!