We can try so hard as women, to make a house a home, to care for family. Yet seemingly out of nowhere, everything we are working tirelessly for can crumble to pieces. What happened? Why isn’t it working out according to our plan? Why are we not achieving what we strive for?
It is sobering, not to mention convicting, to read through Proverbs. Some of the verses stop me dead in my tracks. They open my eyes to the power I yield as I make seemingly everyday choices. I am forced to examine myself against the backdrop of the Word.
The first verse that catches my attention is Proverbs 14:1. It says,” The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.” Well that is frightening! To think that all the effort I put in to my “home”, which is representative of my family and ministry to them, could be not only wasted, but destroyed by me, is sobering.
How could this be? Don’t I know my own intentions? My heart toward those I love and hold so dearly? If I love them and put forth great effort to care for them, then how could I harm them?
Then Proverbs 21:2 seems to answer that question for me. “All a man’s ways seem right to him, but the LORD weighs the heart.” So I could be doing what I think is right by my family when in fact, it is not right after all? And what does my heart have to do with it?
As I ponder these two verses that make me shiver with caution and self-reflection, I begin to have other verses pop in my mind. (I love when the Holy Spirit uses Scripture to explain Scripture!)
Whenever I think of “life” and all that needs to get accomplished, Matthew 6:25-34 pops into my mind. Having a home and family naturally grows the to-do list, sometimes even frantically so. Therefore, as I consider how I learn from Proverbs that my heart may seem pure to me as I serve my family, I still must be mindful of how I may be tearing my house down.
It dawns on me how goal-oriented I am. How I can be like a dog with a bone. I must admit that sometimes I am either hyper-focused or focused on the wrong thing. This passage in Matthew never fails to sharpen my priorities, pointing me in the right direction. It describes the tendency to run after the to-do list at the expense of what is really needed and should be prioritized. I learn that instead of trying to get all things done, I need to make sure I get the number 1 thing done, first and foremost! I need to put God first, His kingdom and his righteousness. Not the kids, not the housework, not even my husband.
When I consider this further, it strikes me that by not putting God first, by placing my family and home and errands or my job first, I am actually committing idolatry! When what God gives me crowds Him out of my life, that is completely my allowing that to happen. If I say, like I have heard said before, that I don’t have time to spend with God or read His Word, that is simply not true. It is not about time management as much as it is priorities. We all have time for what we want to have time for. How many of us go without food, or brushing our teeth, or watching tv or social media? Twenty-four hours is plenty……if I make the right choices.
There is it. My choices effecting my home. So I learn that by prioritizing God first in my life, in my day, I am building my home as a wise woman. But if I neglect my relationship with the Lord who gave me all these blessings anyway, then I am in actuality tearing my home down. Jesus promised in Matthew 7:33 that by seeking God first, He would help me with all the rest as well. I don’t need to “run” after getting things accomplished and trying to keep up with all the other moms. I can either be God-centered or child-centered (or I guess self-centered as well).
How do I know which I am? How do I know if I am tearing my home down? I guess the answer is pretty simple really. Am I a woman given to carving out time for the most important relationship in my life or am I a women who makes excuses?
I truly believe that the best thing I can do for my husband, children, and productivity is by loving God with all my heart, soul, mind and strength. I will not become a better wife or mother at the expense of my faith. It won’t be through reading books about parenting or marriage or efficiency that I gain the power to achieve success in these areas. It will be by reading His Word, which is living and active, and actually able to change me as a woman. The more I run after being better for them instead of Him, the worse I actually become. I am speaking from experience because I have chased the illusion of being the perfect wife and mother and it only frustrated me to no end. When I stopped focusing so much on my role in life and focused more on my relationship with the Lord, that is when I began to change. Books have their place and are useful, but they do not have power like the Bible does.
The wise woman builds according to God’s plan, not her own or that of society. As Jesus said in Matthew 7:24-25, “Therefore, everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against the house; yet it did not fall, because it had it’s foundation on the rock.” When we use our hands to build our homes to focus on the Lord over and above our busy schedules, we can be sure our hands are building on sure foundations. We want homes that can withstand the beatings that come against it living in this sinful world.
Are we using our hands to build homes like this? Or are we using them to create lives for our families that run them ragged, running from one activity to another? Teaching them to be still and quiet before the Lord will serve them far better in life than the being the best soccer mom.
Our hands determine the homes we will eventually end up with. The wind and the rain are coming….are we ready for our foundation to be put to the test?
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